The Purity Myth

Note: I started writing this about two weeks ago and was struck with some writer's block. More on that at the bottom.

Last night I finished reading The Purity Myth by Jessica Valenti. Subtitled "How America's Obsession with Virginity Is Hurting Young Women" Now if that isn't a provocative narrative, what is? I became familiar with Jessica Valenti's work only recently. She has written several books including Full Frontal Feminism, and started the blog Feministing.com. Many are applauding the fresh face she's providing for feminism in the U.S. Myself included.

Ms. Valenti introduces the book by informing her readers that more than 1,400 federally funded purity balls, in which young girls pledge their virginity til marriage in a promish atmosphere (where dad is the date), were held in 2006. She discusses the media stories that display a sort of feverish panic over young women who are "going wild". She articulates the dilemma that every young woman in the U.S. is familiar with: the virgin/whore dichotomy. And her thesis is that young women's morality should not be dictated by their sexuality.

As one who was heavily influenced by this virginity movement, as Valenti likes to call it, I could not wait to read this book. The first two chapters were very satisfying for me to read. Chapter 1: the cult of virginity, was like the beginning of a new freedom to me. It was very valuable to me to read in ink what I've felt for some time, that there is no real definition of virginity. As author Hanne Blank (who was interviewed for this book) said "People have been talking authoritatively about virginity for thousands of years, yet we don't even have a working medical definition for it!" This means it is subjective. I love that it is subjective!

Chapter 2: tainted love, delves into the messages that young women receive both from abstinence-only education and from the media that their sexuality is dirty. They are the damaging ideas that exploring one's sexuality or having sex with another person makes you dirty, taints you, makes you less of a catch. Do not try to tell me that these messages aren't out there. I challenge you to find a women, any age, who hasn't received this message.

The following chapters discuss how the virginity movement shows up in various aspects of our lives from sexualization of girls, porn, sex ed (or lack thereof), legislation, sexual assault and rape culture, masculinity, morality, and finally a vision for the future. These chapters did not feel as enlightening to me, and here's why: I am an insider of the virginity movement. I was raised in a community that staunchly advocated this as the only legitimate path for my sexuality. Jessica Valenti is an outsider of the virginity movement. And while I really enjoyed reading her book, I fear she may have underestimated the individual costs people are paying. The virginity movement hurts both those who subscribe and those who don't.


.....about my writer's block: because this subject is very personal for me I've had a hard time deciding how public I want to make this discussion. Ultimately I want to encourage as much fruitful dialogue and creativity as possible. I'm aware that this is not a new subject by any means. But I think it's time to give kids some credit. I think it's time to stop lying to children. Whether it be the advertisements that dictate that young men be helpless to a certain body type, or the abstinence promoting curriculum that tells young women that the single greatest gift for their future spouse is virginity. I think it's time to tell children the truth.

I would love to hear thoughts on this subject especially from (but not limited to!) those of a different age group or background than me.

Book Review: Enlightened Sexism

Yesterday I finished reading Enlightened Sexism: The Seductive Message That Feminism's Work Is Done written by Susan J. Douglas. She defines enlightened sexism as insisting that "women have made plenty of progress because of feminism--indeed, full equality has allegedly been achieved--so now it's okay, even amusing, to resurrect sexist stereotypes of girls and women." Here are some of my thoughts on it:

What I liked... about the book is the acknowledgment and naming of "enlightened sexism"-- something that I've often detected but have not known how to label. Enlightened sexism enters my life through scenarios in which all company present is presumed to be above sexism and it's a given that all present are equals. Enter the sexist stereotype, joke, remark, etc. often, but not always, shared by a male acquaintance. Here's the part where I'm supposed to laugh, yet I find it difficult to do so. Maybe if sexism really was over I could laugh. But the facts are that women are still at a disadvantage in nearly every aspect of our society. So thank you Susan Douglas for bringing me a name for that sort of ironic sexism that permeates far too many social interactions.

What I disliked... were the nonstop reviews of popular television shows from the 90's, most of which I was not allowed to view because of sexual content, "attitude", or both. Unfortunately, most of the book read like a bucketful of reviews linked together to form a chain of sarcastic daisies. Let me be clear, each review was informative, insightful and witty. However, I found it very tedious reading them back to back to back....

Highlights include...
-scathing review of 1995's relationship guidebook The Rules, and John Gray's Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus in Chapter 4
-analysis of America's anxiety over Janet Reno (Oh no! Are all women with power going to look like this!?) in Chapter 2
-running the numbers on recent plastic surgery/breast augmentation trends in Chapter 8

I wanted more... voices of women, less voice of the media--I've already heard what they're saying! The content overwhelmingly focused on the messages sent by the media, leaving little room for discussion of how all this TV is affecting real women of all ages.

Now let's get interactive! I encourage you answer one or more of the following:
1. Do you recognize enlightened sexism in your social interactions? Do you instigate it, or respond to it? How so?
2. If you watched television in the 90's, what did I miss? How did it influence your attitude toward authority and/or your sexuality?
3. If you identify as a woman: do you feel that the media influences your expectations of yourself? Of other women?
4. If you identify as a man: do you feel that the media influences your expectations of women?

Share and be kind!
Love from MWF, 24