Here's a little video of Eve Ensler (of Vagina Monologues fame) speaking at TEDIndia. If you're not familiar with TED, you should be!
Little disclaimer: I noticed from reading the comments made on this video on the TED site (comments can be found here beneath the video) that a lot of men have a knee jerk reaction of defensiveness because of some of the language Ms. Ensler has chosen. So if you happen to be male I would like to invite you to be assured that she is not saying anything negative about the male sex so that you can immerse yourself in this beautiful idea she's describing. If you find yourself questioning her use of the language please please please read the comments already made by many on TED who have watched the video. They do a more than thorough (in fact quite exhaustive) job of expressing all views.
So! You've watched the video, what do you think? Here's what it brings up for me: I think she's very accurate in pointing out that the verb girls are assigned to is "to please." I can't say how much of my desire to please comes from my own personality and temperament vs. how much has been reinforced in me. I don't often recognize it as trying to please people... I'm more likely to strive to be pleasant to be around. Which is essentially the same thing, right?
In the French culture discussing things like politics and religion are common among even casual acquaintances. Don't they argue? Yes! Very much so. But the attitude is more a "good game" sort of thing. It's like "we've had our sparring and we've earned each others' respect, well done." I really appreciate this sort of atmosphere. It disappoints me that having a passionate, controversial conversation among friends or acquaintances is characterized as hostile in our culture. I don't want to be deliberately unfunny or unpleasant. But I'm afraid that a lot of the things I'm passionate about are simply not fashionable. I feel an urgency to talk about dire circumstances around the world, to advocate for those who are not free here... At the same time I want to be pleasant. I want a million friends. I want warm feelings and smiling faces all around. I heard a piece, also by Eve Ensler, about her similar feelings. It's called Fur Is Back. You can read it on google books here, page 176.
I want to hear other people's reactions to this video. What does it bring up for you? Thoughts, feelings....?
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I loved this video. I felt deeply connected to her bit on " I am an emotional creature ". It made me think about where we as people get the idea that compassion needs to be stifled. I was once riding my bike and along the path a black labrador lay dead. When I was close enough to realize what it was I got off my bike and started crying. People walked by both myself and dog, often rushing to avoid the sad scene. I felt their influence and so I mustered up some strength and left. On my part this was failure. When I noticed how everyone else was able to walk on by I felt like I must be weak and I needed to stuff those feelings of heartbreak for the animal. Compassion is not a weakness. If we let go of the influence of our society inner kindness awakens, and it is contagious. Those are my thoughts! Give you girl gene some attention everyone!
ReplyDeleteSuch a great speech! I'm glad this is being spread.
ReplyDeleteLE! Where was this dog? Never be ashamed of crying over dead dogs. Those other people must have been robots. I love your girl genes.
Megan, I definitely share the same admiration for that part of French/European culture. We are pretty divided, insecure, or egotistical for the most part when it comes to discussing politics among each other.. it's pretty childish.
I like how Eve reinvents the verb "to please" to "educate" --that's very encouraging for me. This made me more aware of how much I identify with the "to please" verb. I'd like to change that.. because it's not exactly the most rewarding desire.
-Just made Marta watch this, and she, the biologist, asked me what a cell was. hehe.
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ReplyDeleteI really enjoy the idea of 'being a pleaser' in the sense that I have male friends who are recognized as the pleasing type. My women friends, myself included, find these men much more desirable and respectable. I find myself needing to be a pleaser in the more economic sense - paying rent and bills, feeding myself and separating financially with parents. But in reality, the way I'm accomplishing this task of pleasing is a way I would not normally consider - were I only looking to please myself.
ReplyDeleteI too keyed in on "to please." I agree that society expectations of women is very much about this concept. I would prefer "to empower." The many obligations related to "to please" creates buckets of guilt.
ReplyDeleteThe stronger feeling aroused is grateful. I am grateful to be a woman in America. While things are certainly not perfect for women in the US, the atrocities against women abroad is almost too much to bare. The rapes, the mutilations, the suppression of human rights, the abuse, ... I have tremendous admiration for the people trying to help, to educate, to reveal truths.
MWF, good for you - you are one of these people.